I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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