Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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