i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
