Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
