i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
