I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
