I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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