Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
