i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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