is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
