Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
