I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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