can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
