I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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