I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
