Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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