I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize