Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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