I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
