oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
