This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
