i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize