And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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