i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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