on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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