If that was your dad, he is hot
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
we're so committed to being not committed
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
