I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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