I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
