Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
