My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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