I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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