hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
