So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize
