Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Randomize