I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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