At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
there's paper in my vomit.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
