yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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