You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize