how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
