some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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