What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize