My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
