Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
