either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
