I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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