thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
