How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
