the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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