Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
