where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
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