my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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