I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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