For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
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