I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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