if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
