Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
