everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
