how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
foreskin is a definite game changer
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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