Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
