super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
