Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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