I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
