Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
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