She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
