i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
