is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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